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What Has Happened to Good Manners?

By Geoff Cummings

Is it the pace of life that is pushing the use of manners to one side? It's either me just getting older, or a change in society, but to me common courtesies are flying out of the window fast.

How often, for instance, do you hold the door open for someone, only to find that person walks past without even an acknowledgement? No "thank you" is forthcoming, it's almost as though you don't exist, or if you do it's only to hold doors open.

And it isn't only the young by any means who lack manners. It annoys me when I'm in a queue behind a child who is waiting patiently to be served. The queue moves forward, and when the child is next in line to be served the sales assistant ignores them and serves the adult stood behind them. Perhaps the assistant assumes the child is with the adult, but to me sometimes it should be obvious the child is on their own. If I'm behind a youngster in a queue and they get 'missed' I just say something like "this little boy/girl is next." We ought to be setting an example to younger ones, how can we do that if we don't use manners ourselves?

And while I'm on pet hates (I could write a book, but I suppose we all could on this subject), has anyone else noticed how attitudes in public libraries are changing - to my mind not for the better? I called in at the library recently, and it reminded me more of a social club. I remember the days when I was young, when we visited the library it didn't matter whether we were choosing books, sitting down to read one, or on our way out, we were expected to be quiet. No one realistically expects absolute silence today, but really, do people have to speak so loud? Do people actually know how to whisper anymore? Even the librarians don`t lower their voices, I don't know whether they are adapting to the way the public are, or if they are simply setting the lead. Either way, I'm sure they could be quieter when they talk. I know that nowadays there's no way I could sit down in the library for long to read, there are just too many distractions.

My final pet hate is the lack of manners when I see drivers on a motorway hogging lanes. Do they really have to stay in the middle lane when there is nothing on the inside one. I get so frustrated when they keep in the middle lane, usually well below the speed limit. They are in effect forcing drivers to use the outside lane when oftentimes there is no need, the inside lane is clear. They pay their road tax so it's their 'right' to drive in whichever lane they want. Lack of manners, poor driving skills, lack of concentration? I don't know, but it's very thoughtless.

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I don't suppose you are old enough to remember the confusion that was created by the introduction of women's lib but you can trace the extinction of good manners to that time.

Women became militant without understanding why. I well remember my wife saying that she saw the confusion on my face when I was no longer sure if I should hold the doors open for a woman because I had been told, far too often, "I can open the door for myself".

The attitude of the strong independent style of woman bled through to their children as they practiced their new-found emancipation upon the family. Whereas a child might once have been thanked by the mother for doing household chores, all of a sudden this behaviour was looked upon as a right rather than a favour.

Women lost the plot a little and, in the process, gave up all of their powers that, up till that time, had been reigning-in the normal excesses of their husband and children. A wife really was the rudder that guided the family ship to safe harbour - as in any ship, the captain is impotent if the rudder is removed.

This sorry state is slowly creeping in to Spain but here, 'please' and 'thankyou' have never been that popular and it will take a long time for the old men to die off and the final deference to women be stifled. It is just as well that manners are dying in all areas of life - womens lib and human rights (the right not to be patronised by having something done for you that you can do for yourself) are the rock and hard place between which good manners are being ground away.

theoldcoot May 5, 2010 15:44

Good manners can open many doors. Those without them are putting themselves at a disadvantage.

June Campbell May 5, 2010 16:03

Teaching begins in the home, by the parents and the examples that they set. Unfortunately, today's home is filled with electronics and little conversation. Therefore, little teaching of the important things in life.
thank you for sharing, Geoff.
Best wishes.
Frederick

frederick May 6, 2010 10:41

Yes, you are right. We could all write a book. Personally, I think we are becoming desensitized towards what were traditionally known as "good manners".

James Emery Vigh May 6, 2010 10:44

Amen to all of the other comments. I have a pet peeve. You mentioned the drivers "hogging" the road. I know that the other person should move over into the slower lane and I am careful to do that. BUT, trying to force someone over by "riding on their tail" is soooo dangerous. It upsets me more than the hog driver.
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Rather than a separate reply to all those who've commented thus far, thanks for all your replies, which seem to indicate broad support for the need for us all to see if we can be more considerate towards others.

The librarian will be over to warn me about my cell phone going off in a split second if I forget to silence it but allow children to run like a herd of buffalo through the library laughing and yelling with little notice.

The librarian's land line can ring quite loudly and she talks on it as if she wants to have everyone in the library to hear.

Sounds very familiar.

Oh yes, this all sounds familiar. The library thing is infuriating to me. A few years ago I was on the computer there and couldn't hear myself think. People were shouting across the room, and so forth. But worst of all, the librarian had pulled up a chair, chatting with a person seated next to me...talking non-stop. A guy behind me placed several cell phone calls too. His phone didn't just ring, he placed calls.

On the odd occasion I too have found it necessary to use one of the library's computers. People are usually so noisy I find it difficult to concentrate on what I am doing.

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